This is not just her story... it's OUR story
When I decided to work with authors to help bring their truths to light through memoirs, I am blessed to encounter some truly transformative stories. A couple of weeks ago, I introduced Marnie Baesler’s debut memoir, I Told Me So, and shared an advanced reader copy.
Her story—about losing herself in an emotionally abusive relationship that stole more than a decade of her life—is sadly not uncommon. One in three women will experience abuse in their lifetime, and many of us face hard decisions when, like Marnie, we catch a glimpse of ourselves in a mirror and barely recognize the haunting reflection looking back.
But what Marnie did was nothing short of triumphant. With both gumption and grace, she found the strength to reclaim herself in a cool, calculated way.
Recently, a male patron asked me, “Who are you to take such a common experience and turn it into a book worth reading?”
I replied calmly, “This book clearly isn’t for you.”
The truth is, each story I’m working on—whether about a woman escaping domestic violence, a heroin addict finding redemption, or a grieving mother navigating her son’s tragic loss—may seem familiar at first glance. What’s new is the way these stories are told, through the unique and personal lenses of the authors who lived them.
As an advocate for women and a spokesperson against domestic violence, I can say that Marnie’s story carries deep weight. If you haven’t already, I strongly encourage you to read the advanced copy of I Told Me So or pre-order a copy. Her narrative is vital, and it’s one that we are proud to bring to life together.
I know firsthand the difference that stories like hers can make. When I was struggling with abuse and harassment, reading a book like Marnie’s might have given me a sense of empowerment that I couldn’t find anywhere else.
I recently sat down with Marnie to ask her about her memoir journey, and if you haven’t yet explored her work, click here to read the ARC and pre-order her book. Your support—whether by purchasing a copy or making a contribution toward this work—goes a long way in helping us bring stories like hers into the world. It also strengthens Mpulse Writes and Charlotte St. Charles Publishing as we apply for grants and grow our reach. Every bit counts, and your support matters.
Now... let me introduce Marnie Baesler.
When did you realize that you should write a book?
The thought of writing a book occurred to me several times over the years. A particular event would make me shake my head and say to myself, "I could write a book". It became a serious consideration when I gave myself permission to be a little more selfish with my time and energy and moved to Belize. I then came upon a social media posting about an author [Margaret Hulse] available to help guide me through the process. I reached out a few months after seeing that posting and the rest, as they say, is history.
What is your writing routine like? Is there anything in particular that inspires you?
I feel like my writing routine is no routine really. Writing does not come naturally for me. Some days I can't put three words together and some days, I feel like Mark Twain. I try to have a weekly goal. I may write at different times of the day for different durations, but I keep that goal in mind and work when it feels like I am being productive.
How did you come up with the title, 'I Told Me So'?
So often people try to warn others of red flags or warning signs and the person ignores the advice. When the red flags are later proven to be valid, the response is often "I told you so". My instincts were that uneasy feeling in my gut that I shrugged off for various reasons. Looking back, I shake my head and think "I knew it". "I Told Me So" is an acknowledgement that I am having that feeling for a reason and a reminder that those feelings should be listened to.
Does your writing process differ from how you envisioned it in the beginning?
I imagined that the book had to be written in order; Chapter 1, Chapter 2 and so on. It was overwhelming to think of that process. My writing coach [Margaret Hulse] taught me that getting the stories down in written form was the starting point. It didn't matter the order. Whatever came to mind that day when sitting down to write, just write it. The book will put itself together (with a lot of help from my writing coach) as the stories unfold.
How do you hope readers will connect with your book? What emotions or thoughts do you aim to evoke in them?
I would like readers to connect by identifying with the feelings and experiences I went through in my life. I think there is a lot of shame when one finds themself involved in an unhealthy relationship. "How could I have been so dumb". We put the blame on ourselves and rationalize why we didn't leave sooner. I would like readers to take from the book ways to recognize warning signs in a relationship that go beyond physical abuse. Know that it can happen to anyone. Know that you CAN find the strength within to make a better life.
While your book is still in the process of being launched, we know that the premise of the story is about how you devised an escape plan from an emotionally abusive relationship, what advice can you give a woman who finds herself in the throes of this kind of trauma?
Every situation is unique. I wish I could provide a step by step that would work for everyone. Envision on how you see your life without the daily abuse. Chances are, your situation worsened little by little, day by day. It didn't happen overnight. Getting your life back is also not going to happen overnight. Wake up each and every day and ask yourself, "What can I do today that will get me closer to my goal?" Some days it may just literally be taking 5 minutes to give yourself a pep talk and reminding yourself you deserve better. Maybe you stash away another $5 to your emergency fund in the secret bank account you opened yesterday. Maybe you connect with a new friend that will have your back when the time comes.
Has writing this book unlocked anything from within that you weren't expecting to come out?
Writing this book has triggered some memories that I have locked away. I remember one specific chapter that when I sat down to write it, I thought it would be very mundane with filler and facts. As I continued through the memory, it turned into one of the more intense memories that I had tucked away. My writing coach really helped delve into the trauma. It's easy to glaze over an experience by saying "I was abused". But my coach would say "Try to make your readers feel what you felt". That is not as easy as it sounds. It takes a lot to tap into those raw emotions.
What advice would you give to aspiring authors who are just starting out on their writing journey?
Similar to my answer previously. Envision your book. Find help. Work towards your goal a little bit everyday. It doesn't have to happen overnight. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."
In Marnie's interview, she quotes Lao Tzu "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Though she wasn't sure exactly how to begin writing a book, she was open to beginning, and willing to take the first step, which inspires our writing prompt for today.
writing prompt
Is there something in your life that you'd like to accomplish, but don't know where, or how, to begin? First of all, remember that it's never too late. Second, what is it? Why haven't you begun working toward it?
I'm sending this with so much love from the tropics.
xo,