The Art of Surrender
I’ve been trying to write this post since I arrived at the airport on Friday, on my way down to Belize. I think I sketched some words out the night before I left. I thought that writing about surrender was going to be easy, but I’ve been feeling blocked. The concept of surrender doesn’t come as innately as my urge to control, so I guess it makes sense that I’ve been at a loss for words. In fact, it’s such a foreign concept to me that the Universe has continued to send me an army of angels to guide me toward living through surrender. A former boss of mine even suggested I read Michael Singer's book, 'The Surrender Experiment', which was actually a game changer for me. I’m a creative entrepreneur and have been growing my fine art, jewelry, and literature trifecta, pretty independently since day one and with that has come a terrible habit of trying to micromanage every bit of my spirit.
As I mentioned in the LIVE Facebook post that I recorded before I left, the purpose of this particular Belizean adventure is both work and love related. I met my boyfriend several months ago on the northern side of Ambergris Caye. After we met, we fell fast for one another and spent the first few months of our relationship communicating via What’s App. It has been years since I’ve been in a healthy relationship and every part of my soul believes in this one. We experienced a vibrant connection when we first met and it continues to flourish. I’m not one to do things flippantly. Jetting off to the Caribbean for a romance is not something that my past self would have thought of as a reality, but when the stars aligned and I started accruing more income through my website, developed a relationship with a women’s shelter in Belize City (for the LOVE Necklace Campaign), and created an opportunity to show my art to a gallery in San Pedro, I decided it was time to give this relationship the kind of physical attention it deserves... the kind of attention that he and I deserve.
As I write this, I’m sitting in a beachside restaurant in San Pedro, waiting for my breakfast, while my boyfriend is out on the water, guiding a snorkeling tour. We stayed in Caye Caulker last night and awoke early to make the 7:00AM ferry to San Pedro, so he could get to his tour on time. The first ferry we attempted to make wasn’t running this particular morning, so we hauled ass to the back side of the island and caught the International ferry just in time. We were the last people to board the boat and found ourselves scrunched in like sardines while the boat crew took their time fueling up. Needless to say, we were in a rush and had no control over our arrival time in San Pedro and so far, things were not working in our favor.
We had several bags of luggage, my laptop being part of the cargo, and still needed to drop our things off before meeting up with the tour group, and we were already running about fifteen minutes late. We were both a little curious how this would all work out. Without much of a conversation about it, we surrenderd to the fact that we had no control over the time and determined that it made most sense for me to skip out on the tour, take our luggage to his place and find a spot where I could write while he was at work. Not being familiar with San Pedro town, at all, he drew me a map with directions to his mother’s house so I could spend time with her. When we arrived at the dock, he found a cab for me, instructed the driver where to take me, kissed my lips and said he would see me later.
While I wanted to spend time on the water, my gut told me that I should give some attention to my remote, Mpulse Studio, work life. I’ve been determined to write a blog post on ‘surrender’, plan out my sales projections for the week, and upload some new images of my giclee prints to my website. I have found myself at an overly-crowded, pricey, beachfront restaurant, trying to stay focused amidst the sea of tourists, starting their mornings with fry jack, coffee, mimosas and rum punch. Aside from the fact that I should have asked him where to grab a bite to eat and work, even on the worst day, I cannot complain about the circumstances I’m working under.
I’m sitting in an overly-crowded, beachside bar, watching tourists imbibe and indulge in their Caribbean vacations as the island breeze caresses my skin, and I’m wrapping up my first work related task that I had planned today and, now, I understand why it’s important to surrender. I get what it means to ‘find a flow’, and accept and appreciate the gifts that God continues to bless us with.
I've been given an opportunity to learn how to work remotely so that my boyfriend and I can build a much deserved relationship. If you don't already, once you read my novel, 'Sketches from the Heart of a Texas Artist,' you'll understand why this is so important.
Until now, I succumbed to solely working out of my beautiful Uptown Dallas studio and planning quick little ‘get-aways’ to the Caribbean, while writing about my island dreams with fervor. I had developed a story in my mind that life has to look a certain way, i.e. staying close to home and longing for the fantasy of adventure, but as I continue to tune into my spirituality, listen to my core, and open my heart to God’s will, it turns out that the story I told myself about longing for adventure was just that, a story. I suppose there is a reason that the tagline of Mpulse Studio is: Fine Art and Style for your Adventurous Heart™. This version of life has been within me all along. I just had to surrender.